MLMM: Chapter 5 – Relationship Mastery – Part One

“Self-esteem is as important to our well-being as legs are to a table. It is essential for physical and mental health and for happiness.”Louise Hart

Having a Healthy Self-Image

The direct selling industry is all about building relationships. People do business with people they know and trust. Before we can develop healthy relationships with others, we need to first be in relationship with ourselves.
So, let’s get started with our very first exercise routine… Through this six-set exercise routine, we will be able to identify and eliminate any past and present self-limiting beliefs, thoughts and other factors that may be holding you back. Having limiting beliefs usually equates to a poor self-image and low self-esteem.
Why is it that, at certain times in our lives, we set big goals but often do not achieve them? Chances are we don’t really believe these goals can become reality. We have one or more limiting beliefs or factors running through our mind that hold us back from reaching our full potential.
As human beings, we’re all different, and almost everyone will deal with limiting beliefs at some point in their lives. So, let’s take a look at a few of those limiting factors that we often allow into our consciousness.

Exercise #1: Self-Limiting Thoughts and Beliefs

Following are examples of negative thoughts, beliefs, doubts, and past failures that may be limiting you.
“I failed at that before, so I gave up.”
“That didn’t work at one time, so I’ll never do it again.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I can’t make that kind of money.”
“I hate that.”
“I’ll never amount to anything.”
“That is too hard.”
“Life is hard.”
“I hate paying taxes.”
“It’s the government’s fault.”
“I wish I could do that.”
“Everyone else is lucky.”
“I am a failure.”
“Money is the root of all evil.”
“Having a lot of money will make me less spiritual or pure.”
“Having a lot of money is a big responsibility.”
“I’ll never be rich.”
“Getting rich is for other people.”
“Striving for wealth won’t allow much time to enjoy life.”
“To be rich, you have to take advantage of other people.”
“Being rich means you’re greedy.”
“I’m not good at managing my finances.”
“Getting rich is all luck.”
“I don’t really want to be wealthy.”
“I don’t have the time to be successful.”
“Money isn’t really that important.”
“I’m not a strong leader.”
“I have some resentment toward wealthy people.”
“I’m a good giver, but not a good receiver.”
“If I ask for help, people will think I am weak.”
“The only reason to work is to make money.”
“Money can cause a lot of problems.”
“It’s not right to make more money than my parents.”
“It takes money to make money.”
“Striving for wealth causes stress.”
“Given my past, it would be difficult for me to get rich.”
 
Do some of these self-limiting thoughts and beliefs sound familiar? If so, note them in your journal. Make an additional list of any other limiting beliefs from your past or present.
Note: Before getting started, I encourage you to get a separate journal or notebook for your mental exercise programs. Doing the exercises will have a dramatic impact on your results with this program.

 
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Stop here and write at least 10 of these limiting beliefs that resonate with you.

 
 
 
Now, let’s take a look at some of the limiting beliefs that others may have imposed on you.
“Why do you want to do that?”
“We were poor growing up, and you’ll never make that kind of money.”
“You don’t have the proper education.”
“Stop dreaming and get into reality.”
“Why are you wasting time with that business? Get a real job.”
“You’re too young (or too old).”
“You must have a college degree to get a good job.”
“Your brother/sister is smarter than you.”
“We can’t afford that.”
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
“You’re a loser.”
 
Do some of these phrases sound familiar? If so, note them. Also, make an additional list of any other limiting words you’ve heard from others.
 
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Stop here and write at least 10 of these limiting beliefs that resonate with you.

 
 
Now make a list of those people in your life from the past and present who may be imposing their limiting beliefs on you. This could be family members, business and professional associates, a spouse, teachers, your boss, friends, etc.
 
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Stop here and write at least 10 of these limiting beliefs that resonate with you.

 
 
Now, let’s do an assessment of the people you spend the most time with. This may be a separate list or could include some from the list above.
The people you associate with have a big influence on what goes into your mind. If they’re negative and not in a good place, they could bring you down with them. You will become the average of your five closest acquaintances, so be careful who you associate with. Of those you spend most of your time with, are you learning and growing from these people? Or are they having a negative influence in your life? If so, politely send them away or spend less time with them. It’s okay to love them; you just don’t need to invest quality time with them.
Congratulations! You completed your workout routine on identifying any limiting beliefs. Take a close look at those you have circled and ask yourself if these beliefs are hurting you or helping you. Most likely, they’re holding you back and allowing fear to be your master rather than faith. But here is the good news. You put the limiting beliefs in your mind, so you can also get rid of them by hitting the delete button. Go through the list of those you circled at let each one of them go. Replace them with positive phrases.
 
Exercise #2: Encounter with Self
 
As a child or an adult, there were times when we felt insecure about ourselves. In an attempt to disguise our real emotions, we would hide behind certain “masks.”
Some masks may serve a valuable purpose, but when they keep us from ultimately knowing who we really are, they are not good masks. Let’s take a look at some of the masks we use to disguise ourselves. Take some time and circle those that describe you best.
 
All heart                                              Humility                                             Pouter
Always right                                      Hurt                                                    Preoccupation
Anger                                                  Indecisive                                            Professional
Beautiful body                                  Independent                                       Resentfully yours
Blaming                                             Indifferent                                           Sarcasm
Busyness                                            Inferior                                                Scapegoat
Comedian/clown                             Intellectual                                          Self-confidence
Counselor                                          Impersonal                                         Self-sufficiency
Critical                                               Judgmental                                         Silence
Cynic                                                  Loner                                                   Submission
Dominator                                        Long-suffering                                   Substance abuser
Dreamer                                            Martyr                                                 Sufferer
Efficient                                             Masculinity                                        Superior
Flirt                                                     Messiah                                              Tough guy or gal
Fragile                                                Mommy                                              Unresponsive
Gossip                                                Passive                                                Warrior
Graciousness                                    Patience                                              Wordiness
Holiness                                            Perfection                                           Worthlessness
Honesty                                             Personal importance
 
Congratulations on completing your workout routine on identifying your masks! Now ask yourself if any of these masks are helping you or hurting you. Keep the ones you feel work and delete the others.
We’re now moving on to training your emotional muscles through an emotional checklist.
How often do you experience these emotions? After each emotion, write a number between 1 and 5 where…
1 = Never
2 = Occasionally
3 = Often
4 = Most of the time
5 = Constantly
 
Affectionate                                         Peaceful
Beautiful                                              Phony
Cheated                                                Proud of Self
Confused                                              Repulsive
Defeated                                               Sad
Desperate                                             Self-pity
Grateful                                                Shy
Happy                                                   Sinful
Hatred                                                  Superior
Hopeful                                                Tender
Inadequate                                          Threatened
Incompetent                                        Ugly
Jealous                                                  Unappreciated
Lonely                                                   Used by others
Manipulated                                        Violent
Passionate                                            Wishy-washy
 
Congratulations on completing your workout routine on emotions! If you have a lot of energy around any of these emotions, pay close attention and make the changes needed.
We’re now moving onto your next exercise program: working your accomplishments and achievement muscles.
 
Exercise #3: Your Accomplishments and Achievements
Go back as far as you can remember and list all your accomplishments and achievements up to the present date. This is an awesome exercise to help you recognize that you’re already a winner in life. Even though we have not met yet, I know you have achieved and accomplished some great things in your life. If I was to ask you to put together a bio and resume of your life, what would you write down? You most likely will need more room here, so use your journal.
 
Exercise #4: Your Success Story
Write out your definition of success. What does success mean to you?
 
Exercise #5: Your Real Life Story
Please find a separate notebook for this exercise. Do not use your journal. You’re going to write your real life story from as far back as you can remember up to today. The objective of this exercise is to get all your feelings on paper about the people, places, and things from your childhood to the present date that made you angry, were painful, hurt your feelings, made you feel abandoned – anything that brings up a negative emotion or feeling you did not like. No one is going to see this but you, so let all your emotions flow. If you have any unresolved issues with parents, siblings, or past or current relationships, express them in this exercise. You’re going to experience all kinds of feelings and emotions here, and that’s okay. Let them flow. Once you have finished this workout, you’re going to take this notebook and burn it. There’s no need to hang onto those negative emotions any longer. Remember, our past does not equal our future. We learn from our past. What we don’t want is to let our past hold us back from reaching our full potential.
 
Exercise #6: Your Disneyland Story
Again, take out a separate notebook for this exercise. This will be a completely different story. Let’s say you were approached by a Hollywood screenwriter, and he wanted to do a movie about your life. The exercise here is to write your perfect life. Go back to your childhood and into the future and describe what your life was like in the past and what it is like now. No boundaries here…it’s time to dream BIG! Walt Disney had a wild dream, and it all became reality. What is your Disneyland story? When writing this, especially from your past, write it as the way you would have liked it to be versus the way it was unless you were okay with your past. In an effort to help you get through this workout, you may want to make a list of things in your life that you like, do not like, enjoy doing, are not willing to do, are grateful for, what you want, and what you do not want.
 
You will keep this notebook and cherish it your entire life. It’s something you will be able to go back to from time to time and see if what you visualized has manifested in the physical form.
 
Congratulations! You have completed Phase One of Relationship Mastery. Let’s now move onto Phase Two. (coming soon!)