Module 4: Diving Deeper into Self Worth and Confidence …What you aknowledge, you can change.
Let Go of Perfect: The first step when building self esteem is to let go of any need to be perfect and even of the idea of being perfect “just the way you are”. Perfection is just another term thrust on us by society that keeps us stuck. The delusion of perfect is largely based on the stereo-typical definition of success, itself focused on outer appearances such as physical looks, wealth, career status and so on. There is nothing like perfect in a relative world where everything is subject to comparison. I challenge you to find one perfect person that exists today or that ever existed. And when I say perfect, I mean really perfect – emotionally, physically and mentally. I can guarantee you that you will not find anyone.
It’s not that human beings are imperfect by nature; it’s just that there is nothing like perfect in this physical world of the opposites where everything is relative i.e. where there is always someone prettier (or less attractive), or more intelligent (or less so), or wealthier (or poorer). After all, the delusion of perfect in the physical realm is such a moving target. Think about it, the perfect female body in the Rubenesque years, is today’s woman struggling desperately to lose weight. Real perfection belongs only to the spiritual realm of your higher self that is above the opposites of the physical world and bears no comparison.
You Can Only Change What You Accept: The second step in building self esteem is acceptance. You can only really change those aspects of yourself that you have accepted, because it is only then that you are not attached to the change or to the outcome. Acceptance is always the best prescription whether you can or cannot change something. Accepting what you can change does not mean that you become complacent. It does not mean that you do not change those things that stand in the way of your success, but rather, that you no longer fight or resist them. Remember that “whatever you resist, persists”. In other words, accepting what you can change gives you the freedom to do so. As long as something can be changed, you have the power to do so, but when you have tried everything or find that it is beyond your power to change it, then have the courage to give it up to your Higher Power.
On the other hand, there are certain aspects of yourself or your life that you perhaps cannot change, whether immediately or ever. Only you know what these aspects are. Accept them and be at peace with your acceptance. Acceptance really means to change what you tell yourself about yourself and about your experiences. It is the mental state of seeing things neutrally, knowing that it is not what happens to you that counts but how you perceive it.
Let’s revisit limiting beliefs here.
Hopefully you have being doing your journal work and are more familiar with your own patterns and beliefs, this is very important as we move into deeper methods of clearing and paving the way for new, life affirming beliefs and thoughts.
Your limiting beliefs are those negative beliefs about yourself that stand in the way of your real success and weaken your self esteem. To overcome and transform your negative beliefs you must first acknowledge them and accept them for what they are. As is the case with all beliefs, whether positive or negative, a limiting belief started off as a single thought in your mind in reaction to a certain event, or to what you were told by your parents or society in general. This thought was repeated often enough until it was accepted as an unchecked “truth” by your subconscious mind. In other words, your limiting beliefs are a learned thought pattern and the good news is that they are up for re-programming.
Why Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs? If you are not where you want to be in your life, whether physically, emotionally, romantically or financially (and so on), the chances are that an underlying, deeply ingrained negative belief is limiting your progress. This does not mean that your physical appearance, romantic or financial status should define you or your worth. It simply means that you are free to also succeed in all these areas of your life if you so choose to, not because doing so will make you a better person compared to anyone else, but simply because you want the experience itself. Overcoming your limiting beliefs is the fundamental step in that direction.
Technique 1 – Positive Affirmations: The first technique for overcoming limiting beliefs is positive affirmations. A positive affirmation is simply a positive statement specifically targeted at re-programming an existing negative belief. Remember, that any thought you repeat often enough will in time be passed down to your subconscious mind to create a belief. If the new, positive statement is repeated enough times, it will in time be strong enough to over-ride the existing negative one. You have started this process in previous modules, but now REALLY work with them and refine them to your specific beliefs now that you hopefully identified your key limiting beliefs and can now “over-write” them.
An example of a positive affirmation for health for instance is “My body heals itself effortlessly and quickly”, or for relationships is “I respect and uphold healthy boundaries in all my relationships”. There are some fantastic programs available commercially which use targeted recorded affirmations to re-program your mind. If such programs are not within your current budget, you can always make your own recording of positive affirmations that are tailor-made for you. It is most effective to use an even, deliberate tone of voice with as little background noise as possible. Mental repetition, without the help of a recording, is of course also effective as long as you do it systematically and persistently.
A World Famous Positive Affirmation: Emile Coue gave us one of the most beneficial positive affirmations that was made famous by the Silva Method and that instantaneously covers every aspect of your life. “Every day in every way, I am getting better and better”. Mentally repeat this to yourself throughout the day irrespective of what other programs you are using. Learn to become more aware of your thoughts. When you catch yourself having negative thoughts calmly and deliberately say to yourself “cancel, cancel, cancel”, then take a deep breath and mentally say “every day in every way, I am getting better and better”. Notice how “better and better” is not the same as the false target of “I am perfect” – it is simply better and better.
In module 2 and this one, affirmations; as you can see, are essential for turning around limiting beliefs and building one’s self worth and confidence. If we allow the old tapes to keep playing, we will undoubtedly continue to experience the same results, whether pleasant or unpleasant.
Stop now and write out at least 3 powerful affirmations.
Technique 2 – Act As If: The second method for building self esteem is to act “as if”. This is similar to positive affirmations but rather than using your thoughts and words, you are using your actions. It means to act as if you do not have your negative beliefs or, even better, as if you have their positive equivalents. You may have heard it said like this – “fake it, until you make it”. If for instance you lack confidence, notice how it feels to walk around with your head held up high and your shoulders back. When you do so often, your mind will “forget” your lack of confidence because your new bodily stance sends a very strong, over-riding message of confidence.
Your Mind Does Not Know You are Acting: Since the subconscious mind is not rational in nature and hence does not judge, it can not tell the difference between when you are pretending and when you are acting on a “real” belief. Have fun acting “as if” and sense how differently you feel inside just by acting out a positive role. This is not about tricking your mind. It is about knowing how the mind works and that we are all already just “acting out” our lives based on a script that is stored by our subconscious mind and that we did not consciously choose in the first instance. Persistently acting “as if” changes the script over time, and when the script changes for the better, then so does the movie.
Technique 3 – Creative Visualization: Creative visualization is one of the most effective methods for programming and re-programming your subconscious mind when overcoming limiting beliefs. It is really a method of self-hypnosis or alpha level meditation. Its power lies in directly accessing the subconscious mind by deliberately slowing down your brain waves through relaxation techniques. Creative visualization is essentially the process where by in a relaxed state of mind and with you eyes closed, you imagine your intended outcome while believing and fully feeling that you already have that which you want in the present moment, and then finally letting it go by detaching from the outcome. What does it look like? Smell like? Taste like? What color is associated with this outcome? and so on, make it as real as possible and the more you do this, the more clear and vivid it will become.
In the case of overcoming limiting beliefs, you can imagine yourself acting as if you have the equivalent positive belief of the belief you intend to overcome. Visualize how you would think, talk, act and feel if you had a specific positive belief about yourself. When combined with the first two techniques of positive affirmations and acting “as if” in your waking world, you will quickly experience beneficial, life-changing results.
A Warning About Your Negative Beliefs and the Laws of Polarity & Attraction: If you use creative visualization to visualize an intended outcome without transforming the underlying negative belief first, then you may find that your subconscious mind fights and sabotages your attempts. Most people attempt to simply focus on what they want while ignoring any underlying contradictory negative belief. These unchecked negative beliefs, by the Laws of Attraction and Polarity, inadvertently attract more of what they do not want.
Technique 4 – Change Your Perception of Past Experiences: The fourth technique for overcoming limiting beliefs is to change your perception of a past negative experience. This is most effective when you can trace the limiting belief back to the time it was created i.e. to a specific past negative experience. In this instance you can use a powerful meditation technique to go back to a time when that a negative belief did not exist.
Time Travel Meditation is summarized here:
Mental Time Travel Meditation: In a relaxed state and with your eyes closed, mentally create a horizontal time line of your life where the furthest point to your right is your present moment. Include a point for your negative experience somewhere on the left of the current moment as well as a length of time before that experience. Imagine yourself traveling backwards in time along your time-line until you come to that experience, then mentally freeze the experience in its place and continue to travel back in time to a point when the associated negative belief(s) did not exist. This could be just before the experience or all the way back into your childhood.
Feel how confident, strong and carefree you felt at that point of time when you did not have that negative belief. Now step into and internalize those positive feelings before returning to the present moment back along your imaginary time line, giving no notice to that negative experience, other than to see how it is frozen in time. This is a very powerful meditation exercise that will enable you to release yourself from the grip of the perceived negativity of your experiences and their associated negative beliefs.
Technique 5 – Know Thyself: The final, and by far the most effective technique for overcoming limiting beliefs, is also one of the maxims inscribed on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi: “know thyself”. To know yourself is not just about knowing what your beliefs are or knowing your strengths and weaknesses. These aspects of your character are the tip of the iceberg and in fact have little to do with the real you. To know yourself is to know your true nature. Your true nature goes beyond the confines of the physical world, your physical body and your five physical senses. Your true nature belongs to the spiritual realm.
Your True Nature is Divine: The real you is your Higher Self, the eternal observer. The real you has no limiting beliefs for it knows that your consciousness is one with the One Universal Mind, All Powerful, All Present and All Knowing; the only difference being one of degree. No limiting belief, no matter how deeply ingrained or how powerful, stands any chance in the face of Omnipotence, of which you are a part. Any need to compare yourself, compete with or depend on the opinion of others as a measure of your worthiness, becomes redundant when your self worth and self esteem have there basis in knowing your true nature. Knowing who you really are is the only authentic source of inner strength when overcoming limiting beliefs because it can never be disturbed by outside appearances. When you know yourself, you can rip up your list of both positive and negative “I am” beliefs and replace it with these words alone: “I am”. No qualifications, nothing more, nothing less. “I am”.
A Warning Against Arrogance: Knowing your true nature is not about feeling that you are now above or better than others because you have “figured it all out” and they havent. It is not about arrogantly believing or proclaiming that you are God or thinking that you are invincible and that nothing can touch you or get in your way. This attitude is an extreme that is best to be avoided and can in fact be more self-destructive than not knowing your true nature at all. In contrast, knowing yourself is accompanied by a deep sense of inner peace and balance with reverence for the One Universal Mind, of which everyone, everything and you yourself, are a part. There is no place for conceit, self-righteousness or arrogance in knowing yourself.
In a nutshell
Developing an overall positive mind set is fundamental to overcoming limiting beliefs and creating the life you intend for yourself. There are several techniques that you can use for overcoming limiting beliefs and replacing them with positive equivalents that serve you and your success. Most of these techniques are aimed at re-programming the mind at the subconscious level. These include positive affirmations, acting as if, creative visualization and mental time travel. All these techniques are effective whether used individually or together but the superior of all is a fifth technique, which is to know your true nature. When you know yourself, then your self worth and self esteem are built on the unshakeable foundation of Omnipotence, of which you are a part. Know yourself with a reverence for the majesty of God, of which you are a part, and you will find all your limiting beliefs disappearing as if by magic.
The Keys to The Kingdom
Everything we have covered here in the the first 4 modules are absolutely essential to master if you want to achieve success in your life, or whatever goals you have. Whatever it is, you HAVE to start with your inner world, your mind.
The effort you put into these 4 modules, will have a huge impact on your business success and as we move into more MLM building strategies, your inner tool kit will be filled for the work ahead.
Believe in YOU! Make the rest of your life, the best of your life!
Video Lesson – guided meditation, enjoy!